The Mindset Mistakes Keeping Women Over 40 Stuck — Even When They’re “Doing Everything Right

Welcome back to Get Fit in Your 40s. I’m your host, Kosar, and today we’re diving into one of the most overlooked — yet powerful — topics for women over 40: mindset.

The internet is full of information about menopause, hormones, diets, fasting, and workouts. But very few people are talking about what’s happening mentally and emotionally when your body starts changing in your 40s — and how those thoughts can keep you stuck.

Have you ever woken up and felt like you don’t recognize your body anymore?
Stubborn belly fat appears out of nowhere. The diets and workouts that worked in your 20s and 30s stop working. You try harder, restrict more, and blame yourself — while your anxiety and frustration continue to grow.

In this episode, we talk about how hormonal shifts in perimenopause impact cortisol, anxiety, and emotional resilience — and why so many women over 40 are being diagnosed with anxiety or depression when their bodies are actually asking for a new approach.

We break down why quick fixes and crash diets backfire after 40, how negative self-talk and scale obsession keep women in a downward spiral, and why self-compassion and curiosity are essential for long-term success.

This episode will help you shift from:

• “My body is broken” → “My body is changing”
• “It’s too late for me” → “My timing is perfect”
• Punishment and restriction → sustainable habits that work with your hormones

If you’ve been feeling stuck, frustrated, or disconnected from your body, this episode is your reminder that your body is not working against you — it’s asking for a new strategy.

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Transcript

0:23

Welcome back to Get Fit in Your forties. I'm your host Kosar, and today we're going to be diving deep into one of the topics that nobody really talks about. The internet is full of information about menopause, health, wellness, diet, intermittent fasting, but nobody is talking about mindset. How is women? Over 40 dealing with all this emotional chaos in their lives. So let's just dive in. Are you someone who hit their forties and suddenly woke up and you are seeing yourself in the larger body You feel like a totally different person. You can't recognize yourself. You feel like your body has completely changed. It has worked against you. You're eating exactly the same way you've been eating for so many years, and all of a sudden you have this belly fat, this extra 30 pounds that just showed up out of nowhere. And you start doing the same diets that you did in your twenties and thirties and they're not working. You used to skip, your breakfast or do some intimate fasting, do some crazy cardio, and you were able to drop that five pounds and now nothing worse. And imagine all of these. Thoughts that are going through your mind, and we don't ever stop to listen to our thoughts like, what am I thinking about myself? And your biologically changing as well.

Kausar 1:48

Your cortisol levels go high due to drop in progesterone. And these thoughts on top of that is literally causing a serious anxiety. And that's why a lot of women over 40 are now on SSRIs. They're getting diagnosed with anxiety, with depression. Today, we're gonna address some of those thoughts and give you some ways to heal from that negative self-talk from that negativity, So let's dive in Number one. Get curious what worked for your body before may not work because now you are in a newer body, and I think accepting that is the hardest part for a lot of women. I had a call with one of my clients last week It broke my heart seeing her, how sad she was. She's like, I've been in your program. I've lost 30 pounds. I gained my energy back. And now all of a sudden, in the past, like month or so, her everything just went downhill. She gained five pounds and she's just lost. She's I can't even track because I'm so anxious. And I, there's just so much commotion that she was dealing with. while coaching her, I remembered So many women are going through that right now. what I want you to do right now if you are somebody who felt like her, who felt like I just am waking up and I can't recognize myself, you have. To Get curious about your thought patterns, get curious about your habits. What do I do when I wake up first thing in the morning? Do I go in front of the mirror and start bashing myself? Do I hop on the scale and start bashing myself? Do I. Put on my clothes and start talking crap about my belly. if you don't pay attention to those thoughts and behaviors, then you're gonna continue to stay in that downward spiral. So pay attention to your patterns, pay attention to your habits, and think about what am I saying to myself That's number one. Number two is quick fixes, is no longer the answer. The short-term diets, they don't stick. They never work. Even in your twenties, you are able to lose, what, 10, 15 pounds, prepare for a party, go to a wedding, and then boom, that same weight comes back. You were always in this yo-yo The quick fixed mentality needs to go away. You cannot be losing 20, 30 pounds sustainably and keeping it off for the rest of your life with short term, crash diets. what you need to do is to really, again. Pay attention on what your body's inclining towards. If you're telling yourself, oh my God, I gained to five 10 pounds and I really wanna lose it, let's go on low carbs. That is a red flag. You need to stop, drop, and think When I go on this whatever diet that you have done in the past, is that gonna help my body? Is it going to allow me to keep this weight long-term? It's just short-term torture. To achieve a short-term goal, you need to think long term strategy. Right now, we have way past our twenties, way past our thirties. Our bodies are. Are not going to be bouncing back from those crash eyes like they used to. So do me a favor. I want you to change that mindset, that pattern of thinking I'm just gonna do this small little thing and lose this little pouch. It doesn't work that way anymore. Your body has changed tremendously. Once you hit your forties, your hormones change. For a lot of my clients, believe it or not, they start their perimenopause symptoms as early as 39 years of age. I also have clients, they don't even get to their perimenopause until they're 50, 55. So everybody's different. Every person is different. It depends on your genetics and your family history So as soon as you hit your forties and above, Your estrogen progesterone is going down those hormones control 90% of functions in your body. And I'm not saying it happens overnight, it happens gradually. However, you see the symptoms of it over time, and one of them could be. Lower belly fat, anxiety, fatigue, body aches, high cholesterol, a lot of the symptoms that comes with it while your body's navigating all those changes. And on top of that, you're putting a burden of short term diet that is not going to help keep that weight off Long term. you need to think about habits, you need to think about your consistency and how a. Can you sustain your progress? And I always tell my clients, this is so fun. You need to come up literally with affirmations to get you going so you can show up in the gym and do your workout so you can prepare your vegetables, so you can do your meal prep even if you've come. Feel like a complete failure because you can fake it till you make it.'cause I've seen a lot of people, as soon as that mindset kicks in of, oh my God, nothing is working, my body's broken, I'm a failure. people just stop. another mindset shifts that I've seen happen to a lot of my clients is that I don't recognize myself. I want you to go from, I don't recognize myself to, I'm building a new, stronger body. these mindset strategies, need self-awareness. self-awareness comes by you going in nature more by journaling more. By reading a little bit more books about mindset and how to change the neuroplasticity, I'm gonna link some of the books that I absolutely love when it comes to my own journey, and the journey of a lot of my clients healing from negative self-talk besties. We're not in our twenties and thirties anymore, so the best thing you can do is to acknowledge and with acknowledgement comes a little bit of grief. With grief comes acceptance. And with acceptance, it will also come that positivity, right? If you think about it, if you are always staying in that negative Nelly mindset and you're like, Nope, nothing is changing. I'm a failure. It's not gonna work, that's gonna translate. To your work, to your life, to your kids, to everything you're doing. You're gonna go into the downward spiral. You're gonna start eating junk. Even the things that you did before, you might stop even doing those things because You're spiraling. we need to pass that. bridge of grieving, of accepting your body the way it is. I, in my twenties, used to be 20 pounds lighter than what I am now. Right now, and it wasn't an easy process. When I say grieving, I mean it. I've been through it. And on the other side is beautiful It took me some time to really love and accept my body for who she's becoming. getting married to that number on the scale is really screwing up a lot of our mindset. So we need to step away from that. But all of that comes again with a little bit of. Practice of self-awareness. We need to reframe. This is not going backwards, it is evolving forward. I'm becoming stronger, better, and more confident version of myself. So as soon as you make that switch, it's beautiful. On the other side, you will actually stick to your good habits. You'll actually stick to your working out habits. You'll start sticking to your meal prep habit because guess what? There's no negative audio telling you that you're a failure. Another mindset shift that could be extremely life changing is it is too late for me. We want you to go from, it's too late to, my timing is perfect. Growing up, I've seen a lot of my elders, including my mom, accepting that, okay, I hit my forties and fifties. That's how it's going to be. I've seen a lot of people saying, I'm just gonna accept myself for who I am Nothing is gonna change. Of course, them trying so many years of crush dieting, finding the quick answers once they give up and they're like, you know what? It is what it is. I am gonna accept my body for the way she is. However, they also let themselves go completely. we want you to go from, it's too late to, my timing is perfect. This is the perfect time to get stronger, better, gain confidence back, have more self-esteem, be present for my children, have more energy to work towards. A strong and healthy future even your 40-year-old, 50-year-old body is not always going to be like this. We are declining every single day So if you have completely given up on yourself and on your dreams of becoming stronger and better versions of yourself, guess what's gonna happen? You are going to decline much faster. Women tend to lose. 3% of their muscle mass every decade. you've probably seen your aunt, your mom, or whoever in your family who have completely given up and they end up with all these sicknesses when they fall, there's injuries, there's surgeries at a very young age. And so we don't want you to be like that. So if you're somebody stuck in that mindset of, okay, I had my three kids, they're going to high school or college. my work is done. Whatever it is, what it is, I'm just gonna be like this for the rest of my life, And make sure that you're reflecting every single day, not only the time. You can also reflect on who you have become, reflect on your wisdoms, reflect on your amazing capacity, your confidence, your career, how you have raised these beautiful children that you, you know, couldn't do in your twenties. So, So always. Continue to reflect on all the amazing things that you're doing now that you didn't do in your twenties. Instead of mourning and being sad about not having that body Another tip I think would be helpful to our listeners is the punishment mentality. some clients, they. Jump into conclusion. They wanna just go to this crazy diet, crazy classes. and crazy restrictions, This is the punishment mentality. guilt driven. restrictive mindset driven activities that you're doing you don't do those activities out of love and self-compassion. start working on self-compassion. This is the most important part of this podcast. Be compassionate towards yourself because if you don't love yourself, nobody else is going to. research has shown that people who have a lot of self-respect, a lot of self-awareness, they have high EQ and they get respected more in their work. their home and when they're with their partnership and their friendships. So if there's one thing you're gonna work on, you're gonna work on self-compassion. You are gonna go from, I'm gonna do this crash diet. And that's guilt driven and it's restrictive mindset driven to. I love my body and I wanna do the right thing by her. Treat your body like it is your best friend. Write a letter to yourself. Tell yourself how much you love her, and that partnership with your body is going to create a, this sweet spot You want to move her because you care about her so much. and last but not least is adjust your mindset and your lifestyle to your age. you need a new strategy for your new body. I don't mean a new strategy to start looking for a new diet, but more of a lifestyle change that works with your hormones and not against them. And that is such a big thing when it comes to, BFF and our values and our pillars. We love working with clients who want to work. With their bodies who want to work with their hormones, who want to do strength training because they wanna have a healthy bone density when they're 60, 70 years old. And this is one of the biggest things that we do in BFF and why our clients see such positive result in the program is not just diet. It's not just, you gotta eliminate this, eliminate that. No, it's more of a transformation of your hormones, of your mindset, of your strength training, how to get stronger and build muscles for your future self. How to have the right strategy behind your supplements. I bet your cabinets are filled with supplements you don't even take them. And if you go look at them right now, they're all expired. So when it comes to strategy, it has to be helping your body balance the hormones, helping your mindset be more positive, balance your cortisol levels, do strength training because you wanna be healthy, strong for your. Kids when you're an old person, you don't wanna be falling and getting hurt, and you wanna have the right supplement plan. besties. I hope this episode resonated with you and that you will take away some of the pieces that you think are missing in your daily life. You have to understand that. Yes, at this age, you can blame it on your hormones. You can blame everything on your metabolism. You can blame it even on yourself for cheating and not sticking to the diet. But here's the reality with age, your metabolism did slow down Your estrogen, progesterone levels have changed. Your body's accumulating more body fat, feeling more inflamed. starting to have more intolerances to food that you never had. you're probably even more sedentary because maybe the kids are more independent or you're working more, and all of those factors are adding to how you're feeling. the bottom line, is realizing that your body's not working against you. It is just asking for a new approach. Focus on strength, energy, and confidence rather than chasing the 25-year-old self because that person is gone. And we need to work with the person that is in front of us right now and to all my listeners today. Start with your mindset shift with one of these tips Even a tiny shift can take you. A long way, If you want to follow along check our Instagram page, I've also added a link. If you are interested to learn more about our program and how we work with our clients, can't wait to see you in the next episode.